The scale ticks up

It has been a month since the tri (and really about 5 weeks since the hard workouts subsided). However, I haven't changed my eating habits. So, the other day, I felt brave and hopped on the scale. The verdict: up 5 pounds since the training ended. Sigh.

So, I start the battle again. I'm trying to be upbeat about it. Setting a goal of losing 15 more pound total (so down ten from where I was 5 weeks ago). But to tell you the truth, I'm not sure I can do that. I have only once or twice in my life, for a very short time even, been under 150. Both times, I wasn't healthy about. Both times, I became obsessed with the scale. So, I kind of feel like I am already setting myself up to fail. If I had to subsist on non-fat yogurt and low calorie bagels before to get to that 'magic number', how can I do it while still enjoying food?

I really wish that I could be thin--like JCrew model thin. I know, those girls are just that--girls. And, to add insult to injury, their photos are airbrushed. But, I'll never be JCrew thin. Rationally, I know that my frame is too big. My athletic build makes me a little meatier. But still, there is this nagging sense that life could be easier if I was thinner--like how much easier it would be to get dressed in the morning if all my clothes looked awesome.

Okay, enough rambling and whining from me. I'm off to finish my coffee and then dive into work. Lots (of really annoying administrative tasks) to do!